He Answered Me

The Lord has stretched me and broken me into a place of total dependency on Him. There have been complications with my new living quarters and with the overwhelming tasks I have come across in the last three weeks of this internship. 

Human trafficking in the US is nothing like I have ever seen before. Even just the drug issues are overwhelming, but when I take the mental health issues and the emotional trauma these women experience, I am blown away. 

As I looked at this issue, I became incredibly discouraged with the numbers of women who are trapped in this issue. I felt like I wasn't making a difference...like the work I was doing with Out of Darkness wasn't really making a difference. Even when I went into the safe home, I found myself having a hard time relating to the women. All of these women are older than me.

Then I came across an email from SHE Rescue Home...the organization that I worked with last summer. There was a picture with one simple phrase:
"To succumb to the enormity of the problem is to fail the one."

This phrase knocked me off of my feet. I can't just move on and let these women suffer. 

In the midst of severe spiritual attack, I cried out to God, and He answered me. 
He didn't answer me  through solving my problems or by booming his voice like thunder. 
He whispered to my heart with His still, small voice. 
He gave me a peace that transcends my circumstances. 
He encouraged me through Godly people in my life, like my mom, my boss, and my boyfriend's mom. 

I attended a job training at the peak of this spiritual attack. The training itself was so Christ-centered and explained the issue of trafficking. Even though the issue is dark, the training was full of the joy that only comes from Christ. 
Instead of walking away feeling depressed by the darkness of the issue, I walked away feeling very different than I ever had before. I walked away with the realizations that:
1) I have no clue what I'm doing with my life after graduation next May.
2) I don't know how God is going to use me in the fight to end trafficking.
3) That is okay.

I don't know what God is calling me to do. I don't know if His plan is for me to open my own rescue home, to run an organization like Out of Darkness, to work with the kids of these women, to be a social worker...I don't know. 
Maybe God's call on my life towards these women is to be a mentor, a volunteer who comes and spends time with them and their kids. 
Maybe His call is to use my experiences to write.
I don't know what God's plan is, and that's okay.

For the first time, I'm okay with not knowing what the future holds.  I know Who holds my future, and I can trust Him.