It’s the typical childhood story. I was extremely blessed to have parents that both loved the Lord and each other fiercely. I was in church at 8 days old, and asked Jesus into my heart when I was six at an Awana meeting.
My transformation as a six-year-old was deep and real, at least as much as it could have been at that time, and I truly believe that I went from death to life at a very, very young age. I was passionate and bold, sharing Jesus with anything that moved and continuing to read my Bible and grow into my teenage years.
This used to be where I stopped telling my story, shrugged my shoulders, and said “Welp, that’s it.”
I was embarrassed because my fellow youth group and college ministry friends had dramatic changes and emotional movements where Christ came in and turned their lives 180 degrees around, and I had this simple, quiet story of a six year old who just loved Jesus with her entire heart. And no matter how many of those friends said, “Be happy you didn’t do the things I did,” I felt like somehow I was cheated out of a cooler story.
As a seventeen year old, I had a wonderful youth pastor who asked his high school leadership team to live out the truth of 1 Peter 3:15, “Always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.” Before each youth sermon, he would give one of us a few minutes’ notice before we had to get up in front of our 150+ youth group to tell our Jesus story.
I remember the first time he asked me to give my testimony. I was so confused. I told him that surely someone else’s story would be better, or get more responses…but nevertheless, he asked me to get up on stage, and said,
“Just say what God is telling you now.”
I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and let the Lord speak. I can’t remember exactly what I was going through at the time, but I was able to speak to some of the very struggles my fellow believers were going through.
Since then, I have looked at a testimony as not just the story of how I came to know Jesus as a little girl...but what He has done to bring Himself glory in my life. Each time, my story is just a little different.
I am reading through the Bible this year, and God is speaking so many truths and promises over me about my identity as a daughter in Christ and His ability to overcome my fears and anxieties.
God is also showing me that having questions and doubts doesn’t mean that I’m not a child of God. It’s okay to acknowledge my questions and doubts and bring them to the spiritual figures I trust and ask for insight and counsel.
Life is hard. Change is hard. I’m in a time of my life when things are uncertain and unable to be planned out (but isn’t life always?), and it is essential to trust in God. And most of the time, I don’t.
God keeps bringing me to this place, at the bottom of myself, where all I see is dust, dirt, and grime, and He sweeps away those layers to show me beauty.
I am still journeying, and God is good.
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