Who We Are: Righteous

Let me just say that I am one to feel intense guilt when I skip a day of Jesus time. I feel like a total failure. I get on my knees to apologize over and over for not measuring up so that I can be “right with God” again.

“So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
-Romans 5:21

Let’s look at the verse above. Seems like a pretty basic evangelical principle, right? Works don’t get us to Jesus. Grace does.
While this doesn’t give us free reign to sin, it does mean that sin and grace can’t rule over sin simultaneously. Grace overrules and overrides sin.

I am a people-pleaser. I seek approval for EVERYTHING. My life decisions. My food choices. My workout routines. My relationships.
I’ve learned that I can’t always rely on people’s opinions or approvals...because humans are fickle, and where some may think I’m right, others will think I’m wrong.

So, looking at Romans 5:21 above, we see that we are given a “right standing with God”...and we didn’t even have to work for it.
By human standards, this doesn’t make sense!
Today, you may have lost some battles against your sins...but yesterday, you had a quiet time and helped someone in need. You think, “God can’t possibly look at me the same today as He did yesterday!”

I often think God is upset with me when I sin or when I’m less consistent with my quiet time. But although He does desire for me to live a sinless life to glorify Him, while He does desire to spend time with me--He doesn’t love me less when I fall short.
It’s so hard to live in this truth of a grace-ruled life! Satan distracts us with feelings of guilt and unworthiness, and the world distracts us constantly with images and advertisements of pleasure.

But this grace-filled life frees us, because our works don’t determine God’s love for us. Grace covers our sin totally and completely. It doesn’t determine our salvation or our identity.

“For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God’s grace.
-Galatians 5:4

Yes, sin is bad, and we shouldn’t indulge in something that doesn’t glorify God. But according to this verse, sin isn’t the thing that cuts us off from Jesus. What cuts us off from Him is trying to be justified by the law.

Hear me out.
This doesn’t mean that sin is a free for all, since we are covered by grace. Those who live a grace-covered life will have less of a desire to sin and more of a desire to please God.
It means that those that trust in their works and good deeds...their service projects and mission trips... to get in right standing with God are the ones that are far away from Him.

A lot of times, I live like staying away from sin is what makes me better than other people. It’s what keeps me in good standing with God. But actually, this is what separates me from Jesus.

We can’t trust both Jesus and our good works for our salvation. We just can’t.
Either we trust in grace, or we don’t.
Either Jesus’ work on the cross was sufficient, or it wasn’t.

When we try to earn God’s favor with our cheap and fickle actions, it makes grace look so much less valuable. 
Grace is a gift...God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.
We don’t have to maintain our holiness by good works once we're a part of God’s family.

Does doing good make us more righteous in God’s eyes? No!

Righteousness is a part of our identity once we are followers of Christ.
It’s not a character trait that we can gain or lose. It is an integral part of our identity. Our actions can’t change our identity.

Righteous is not what we are. It's who we are.

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In one of my small groups, we read the book Jesus Is _____. Find a New Way to Be Human by Judah Smith.
Using the video study and participant’s guide, we spent the last eight weeks going through verse studies and personal questions about who Jesus is and who He is to me. If I’m being totally honest, much of the day-to-day study and questions in the books seemed to “easy” and juvenile, but the group questions raised some great discussion in our group, and some of chapter 8 inspired this blog post.

Novel Sneak Peek Part 2

George Mascadona stood on the Western Banks of the Mississippi River under the great steel arch in St. Louis, Missouri. The river glowed red with fire, reflecting the city on the east side of the great river, and likely every city beyond.
The flames glowed in his crisp blue eyes, reflecting the spark inside him. The second civil war in the United States had come to an end, and he had won. He had led the West to victory. It was just a matter of time before he was elected the first leader of the new nation.

The United States already had its height of power and strength as a nation of fifty strong states...over three hundred years of successes and liberties. But for the last hundred or so years, some rebels in the science field started trying to take away some of the freedoms from Americans.

It was this day, in February of the new century, that George saw the end they had been fighting for. The entirety of Eastern America flamed before him. In just a few hours, it would be a wasteland.

George did not smile as he looked over the glowing red river. He didn’t delight in the fire, or the screaming, or the destruction of all the old American history. He didn’t rejoice in the lives lost for his cause. He wiped a tear from his eye and dusted the ash out of his white-blonde hair.

George turned to his troops, who looked to him expectantly. In just a few days’ time, they would vote him as president of their new country. They would vote that the country be named Mascadona, after the name of their fearless leader in the war, and their very first president. But their fight was not over yet.

They had wiped out the life-scientists in their quest for freedom, but science still defied them. Science had ruled the United States for so long, and it wouldn’t be long before more life scientists rose up from the best and brightest children in the schools. 

At first, President Mascadona cared little about the threat of scientists. The new life scientists were so few and far between, that they were mostly laughed out of the spotlight. But over time, they began gaining in numbers, and something needed to be done.

Slowly, trusted members of the president’s cabinet began to work on a plan to keep science undiscovered and the scientists at bay. Ideas were bounced around for months before the president himself came up with the perfect idea to stop science in its tracks.

A university, high in the mountains, that was only for the best and the brightest in all of the country. A school where these students would prepare for their jobs as government agents, or so they would be told. An elaborate plan fell into place. The perfect island in the middle of a lake in the mountains of Wyoming became the secret location for the school. The parents would send their gifted children to this school, knowing full well that they would go on to become top secret government agents, and that they would never be able to see their children again.

To the public, and to the children’s families, the children were being rewarded for their brilliance in school. In reality, one small factor would change the course of each student’s future, ensure the comfort of Mascadona, and continue the dreary fate of the life scientists.

Cleanse Me, Oh God

Dear Treasured Reader,

This weekend I went away to the mountains of North Carolina for a women’s retreat with my church. Due to the fact that I have recently had a personal spiritual awakening of sorts, I was fully expectant for God to speak to me, and received that blessing in full.

Without going into detail on every single lesson (which I would love to), I’ll just say this: the theme was transformation, and day one was transformation of the mind. And man, did it hit me hard!

Those of you that know me know that I have struggled with anxiety for the last couple of years of my life...and as previously mentioned (in the blog post here), although I went to a Christian college, served on ministry teams, and went on mission trips, I was in a spiritual drought for a long time. I knew that I had a relationship with God and that He was there, it just didn’t feel like He was talking to me.

Well, turns out the majority of my frustration during that drought went back to the way I chose to think. Yes, it’s true that the enemy can plant thoughts into my mind. But I was the one who chose to stew on them and dwell in them. I was the one who let my anxiety consume me and affect the way I thought about everything and everyone.

But the main thing that hit me this weekend, during the very first session on transforming my mind, was this:

I cannot be mad at God for not speaking. Not when I’m the one that has my Bible closed.

When I opened my eyes a few months ago and started pouring through scripture, God spoke. His Word is the main way that He speaks to us! I knew that God was speaking to me more, but I thought that it was just because He decided that my drought was over.

Nope. God was there the whole time, waiting for me to listen to Him. He was sitting expectantly. He wasn’t just sitting there for five years, watching me struggle and cry. He was waiting for me to listen. 

I’ll be honest, when I walked away from that lesson Friday night, I was on a cloud. I was rejoicing in God and praying about how to revolutionize my thought life and live in freedom from anxiety.

Turns out, Satan didn’t like that too much, and a few hours later, in the middle of the night, I was awake and struggling through an anxiety attack, worrying about the future and work and home and church...

In the wee hours of the morning, I cried out to God to forgive me for giving into my anxiety, for letting myself go there, and I prayed scripture until I fell asleep.

The next night, after another wonderful session, the prayer team at the retreat came around and prayed for each of us silently. We were supposed to write our biggest struggle on a card so they would know what to pray for, so I asked my prayer warrior to pray for my anxiety.

As she laid her hands on my shoulders and prayed silently, God brought a scripture to mind: Psalm 51. It’s the Psalm that David wrote after he had an affair with Bathsheba and killed her husband.

If I’m being honest, for most of my life I think I didn’t identify with this Psalm because I didn’t think I had committed a “huge” sin that needed to be forgiven. I just did the normal stuff. But as I read the words of Psalm 51, I offered it as my own prayer to God, asking for forgiveness for being a slave to my anxiety, for not trusting Him with my future.
I prayed these words to God from the depths of my heart as the woman prayed over me, my tears falling on the pages of Psalm 51 and staining them with mascara.

“Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” 

-Psalm 51:7

When I am pressed and anxious and stressed, I want God’s word to come to mind. This is why I am starting this week by memorizing Luke 12:29-31.

Dear friend, are you worried about your future?

I want to lovingly tell you that this, too, is sin. You don’t have to have an affair, murder, steal, or lie to break God’s heart. Not trusting Him fully breaks His heart too.

Go ahead and pick up your own Bible today.
Are you having a hard time hearing Him? If so, may I ask you...is your Bible open?
Is scripture the first thing that comes to mind when you’re pressed or stressed?
Are you seeking? For a while, I know I wasn’t. You are not alone.

Let’s journey towards Him together. Let’s open our Bibles and seek His face.

Love,
A Fellow Journeyman

Novel Sneak Peek

Everyone has moments that seem to stand still in time.

A first kiss. A historic change. A tragedy.

My moment was this.

A scarlet trail followed behind me in the snow as I limped into the dark forest. Pulling myself into the embrace of the trees, I attempted to slow my heartbeat and let my eyes adjust to the blackness of the night.

Around me, in the trees, were the rest of the survivors. Our ashen faces followed the rivers of blood down the mountain to our lost home. I focused in on the faces around me, the faces of my fellow students, or at least the ones who were left. Some had tear stains on their dirty cheeks; others were tending their fresh wounds.

We had to work together to survive. No one else could be trusted anymore.

The February Book Review

Books, books, and more books!
I was so occupied with the Whole30 on my blog in January that I forgot to do a wrap up post for the books I read in January.
Most of those books are included in the #BoutOfBooks post that you can find here. The first two books on this list are actually from the end of January!

The lineup for the end of January/all of February:

• Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (End of January) 328 pages
• Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari (End of January) 288 pages
• All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr (February) 530 pages
• You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott (February) 345 pages
• The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who You Used to Be and Embracing Who You Are by Brene Brown (February) 138 pages

Total Page Count: 1,629
Page Count for 2017 (so far): 3,007

And the winner is….nonfiction this time!

My favorite book out of those above was Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who You Used to Be and Embracing Who You Are.
I truly believe that everyone should read this book. I read it with a group of friends as part of a book club, and I can honestly say that each one of us, in all of our personality and background differences, stopped and reflected on why we feel the way we do about ourselves and our relationships with others.
Being perfect and pleasing everyone is impossible. We all know that.
That’s why “nobody’s perfect” is a common saying, and we strive to live our lives as inoffensively as possible. This book outlines feelings and emotions such as shame, regret, and guilt and explains why we feel them so that we can take those emotions captive and control the way we view life and, ultimately, ourselves.

One of the things I love about Brene Brown is that the whole book is actually quite biblical, even though she isn’t labeled as a Christian author.
In our group, we talked about how if you take most of her points one step further, they are based on the principles that are outlined for us in the Bible.
Example: We don’t need to allow guilt and shame to control our view of ourselves...because God has already taken that guilt and shame, and we are free in Christ.
It was a really interesting read that caused me to take a deep look inside myself and realize that I don’t have to be perfect or please everyone.

Especially as a Christian...my life should be offensive to some people. That isn’t saying that I am to be rude or that I rub my Christianity in others’ faces and shove it disrespectfully down their throats. I am saying that my life should reflect Christ, and that others should be able to see Christ through my life.
And...well...Jesus was kind of offensive sometimes! He lived in complete opposition to His own culture, and He challenged others to do the same. He challenges US to do the same! 

I can’t compromise who I am...and Whose I am...just to make someone else happy.

All of that to say...here is the book cover. You should go get it and read it now. It is wonderful, challenging, and totally changed my perspective on how I view myself.

Currently Reading:
Jesus Is by Judah Smith
The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
Nature by Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai

Next Up:
Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey
The Wangs vs. The World by Jade Chang

PS: I’ll be writing a blog sometime this year about the intersection of Feminism and Christianity. If anyone has any resources to throw my way, please let me know!

Until next week!

Why I Used to Hate the #EndItMovement

Today USED to be my least favorite day of the year. The day of the year that social media is covered in red ❌s.

As a modern day abolitionist, I've been volunteering in rescue homes for victims of human trafficking for the last eight years.
The girls and women that this crime affects are real people and faces to me.

It used to infuriate me that each year people would draw a red ❌ on their hands and call themselves good for the rest of the year.

So here's a challenge to you supporting the end it movement today, and a challenge to myself as well:

Don't let today lose its momentum.

-Find a local organization that fights human trafficking daily and join hands with them. If you're in Greenville, I have three different organizations that I can direct you to.

-Pray that God moves in your community.

-Don't support trafficking by watching porn.
Yes, those girls and women in those pictures and videos are victims, and if you disagree or want to argue with me, feel free. I would be happy to help you understand how serious the porn issue really is.
Several of my friends from the rescue facilities were grown women who found out that porn videos had been made of them, and they don't even remember it. Their pimps/boyfriends drugged them so severely that they can't even remember the video being made.
Sometimes the women in the videos are forced to do terrible things because their safety is threatened. There is so much going on that you can't see. If you're struggling with this concept, please ask questions. Ask your pastor, visit fightthenewdrug.org, send me a message or a comment. This is a serious issue, and it's important to take it seriously.

Today doesn't make me angry anymore, because I see that the red ❌ is a symbol of solidarity in a movement that needs to keep going all year. Now I thank God for it and praise Him for bringing awareness to a sensitive issue.

Challenge yourself. Keep the momentum moving.

❌ #enditmovement

To Christians Who Feel Far From God

Dear Hurting Friend,

I have been where you have been.

You’ve known Jesus for a while now, maybe even for your whole life. Maybe you’ve even been mostly obedient...attending church on Sundays, even serving in the kids area or the youth group.

Your coworkers and schoolmates may even know that you’re a Christian. You may have even invited them to come with you to a church event. You listen to Christian radio, you don’t participate in the “crazy sins,” and you know all of the right answers.

In fact, you even know that God actually is with you, and that He hasn’t left you. You may even be in a leadership role at your church or ministry, helping other people meet Jesus.

But inside you feel numb. God hasn’t spoken clearly to your heart in months. Or like me, maybe even years.

You’re afraid to reach out to a fellow leader or church pastor because you feel like they’ll think you’re not good enough, or not a Christian.

I mean, it’s not that you don’t believe in God. It’s that it’s been a long, long time since you feel like He’s made Himself clear. You may have been calling out to Him for months, and it seems like there’s no answer.

Consider my example:

In middle and high school, I learned to be outspoken about my faith, and I was (nearly) fearless when it came to talking about Jesus. I look back at that young girl now, and I envy her boldness in sharing the gospel. I envy how little she cared about what others thought.

To be totally honest, until recently, the last time I heard God clearly speak to me was my freshman year in college. Those who know me, or have followed this blog, may gasp and think: but she was in ministry!

Yep, that is true. After my bold high school years, I went to a Christian university (which I loved); I spent two of my college summers doing missions with human trafficking victims (one overseas, one in the US); I’ve been volunteering with anti-trafficking ministries since 2009; I was in leadership roles in college ministries and Good News Clubs, and for goodness’ sake, I graduated college and started working at a church!

And yet, for nearly five years, I cried out to God to speak, to make Himself known, and it felt like all I could hear in response was radio silence.

I knew from the church’s teachings and from my own desperate faith that Jesus was there, that He was listening to me and hearing me. But for some reason, I didn’t feel like I could hear His voice. 

I still routinely read my Bible and went to church. I did all of the things I was supposed to do, but gradually I started to realize that I just felt numb.

My wandering friend,

I know you read this and deeply identify. You feel my hurt and confusion. And we both know, it doesn’t make much of a difference if I just tell you, “Just wait and keep seeking God. He is here. This dry spell will be over soon.”

First of all, I don’t know if the dry spell will be over soon. I can’t promise you that. And I know that if you’re like I was only a month ago, you have already told yourself to just wait and keep seeking. You’ve already told yourself that God is still here.

I want you to ponder a few questions that helped me. Be honest with yourself and think (and pray) about them.

1. What is at the core of your prayers?

Are you praying for yourself? Are you thanking God for the blessings that He has given you, even the small things?

Remember God’s faithfulness in your life, your friends, your family, your job, the opportunity to go to school...and thank Him for it.

It is 100% okay to ask God for things. It's healthy to tell Him how you’re feeling and ask for what you want or need. But are your prayers purely selfish? Are you just trying to use God to feel better or get what you want?
In my case, I realized that my numbness had caused me to start praying less and less. Eventually, I would only pray briefly before routinely reading my Bible or teaching a lesson at church. I didn’t thank God for much, other than food before meals, and mostly prayed for myself. I rarely even prayed for others. I rarely asked forgiveness for my “small” sins (all sins are equal in the sight of God, by the way...Romans 3:23).
It’s important to realize, that praying even when we don’t know what to say is important (Romans 8:26-27). Praying for other people is also an important step in getting the focus off of yourself and onto someone else...which glorifies God and puts the focus on Him (Ephesians 6:18, Matthew 5:44).

2. When you pray for yourself, what do you ask for?

Do you ask for a promotion, for a new job, for a good grade, or for a boyfriend? Do you ask for specific things?
Like I said above, it is definitely okay to ask God for these things. 

But instead of giving God a list of demands and being upset when they aren’t met the way you want them to be...pray for God to show you what HE wants for you.

He knows what you need even better than you do, and you’ll look back at this time later and see exactly why God did the things He did (Psalm 37:4).

3. Who do you reach out to first when you have a problem...a good friend, or God?
Pretty self-explanatory...talk to God about your hurts and frustrations before picking up the phone and calling a friend.

Don't be afraid to reach out to a fellow leader or church pastor. Chances are...they've experienced these times of spiritual drought too. 

4. If you’re feeling numb or burnt out while reading the Bible, have you talked to God about it?

This was a big one for me. I still tried to have a quiet time, but after feeling numb for a while, I really had no desire to read the Bible. I made the excuse of having no time (which is a total lie because I read seven other books just for fun in January, and watched A LOT of Netflix).
About a month ago I started asking God to give me a passion for His Word, and to reveal Himself in the Bible. And He did. I wanted to read the Bible at work and on my lunch breaks, and could not get enough (Psalm 37:4, Matthew 7:7).

I started praying that God would help wake me up earlier in the mornings so I could spend time with Him before work (in case you didn’t know...I am NOT a morning person. I’m the girl who has to leave the house at 8am and consistently gets up at 7:50).

The very next morning, I was awakened by my chirping smoke detector at 7am. I was angry, smashed it with a broom, went back to sleep (WHY), got up at 7:50, and reported it to maintenance at my apartment complex. They reported later that evening that nothing was wrong with it.

The next morning, it woke me up at 6:30. I smashed it and went back to sleep. There was nothing wrong with it after I reported it to maintenance, and they replaced the entire system just to be sure.

AGAIN, the third morning, it woke me up at 5:30. I don’t know how I didn’t see that this wasn’t God trying to get me up...I went back to sleep and realized on my way to work that hey...there’s nothing wrong with the system. This is probably God answering my prayer in a really annoying way, because he has a sense of humor.

So the fourth day that it went off, I got up (admittedly still a little late), I spent some time with God. And the smoke detector hasn’t chirped since!

It’s a funny story, but the point is...if you want more of a passion for the Bible, if you want to desire God’s Word, ask God, and be looking for His answer.

5. Are you looking to see if God is moving?

If you feel like God’s not hearing you...if you’re asking for God to show Himself, to give you a passion for His Word, if you’re thanking Him even when He feels far off...if you’re doing all of the things above, consider this:
If you go back and read my story again, you’ll see how many times I said “I feel” or “it seemed.” It took a couple of “God moments” to get my attention (as seen by my smoke detector story above).

If you feel like you can’t see God...is it because you’re not really looking? 

When was the last time you watched a sunset and thought about who created it?

Ask God to show you Himself every day, and pay attention to the little things He does. The big things will  happen in His perfect timing, which is so much better than ours.