One week ago, I sat in front of my computer as I typed out my resolutions for 2017, believing with all of my heart that if I typed it all up and printed it out, this time something would come of it. I thought about the weight I wanted to lose, the relationships I wanted to grow, the Bible I wanted to read all the way through...you get the picture. After I finished typing I had four pages.
FOUR PAGES.
It's unrealistic, and setting myself up for the same failure I have felt every year since I was able to write my first list (so, when I was like, five). So for you perfectionists and Type-A people like me, listen up. I care entirely too much if other people like me and what other people think, so, for a change, I am going to be totally honest and open about my 2016.
At the beginning of 2016 I was blessed with a part time job that I loved at a church that I adore. I was engagement ring shopping with a guy I had been dating for over two years, so I didn't think I needed a full time job. I supplemented my extra hours with nannying and looked towards the future. In hindsight, we both knew things weren't right, and early in the year we parted ways. I started hunting for a full time job around the same time I broke my foot in May, and I had to travel around my tiny, second-floor apartment on a knee-scooter for three months. It took five months to find a temporary full time job, and another month after that I found a temp-to-hire job. The financial stress along with the pressures of learning about adult life on my own sent me into a very confusing emotional time, and I ended up seeking counseling through my church, which I am still attending now.
This is the reality of my year, and I know several of you can identify with it. But here's the positive spin on it:
At the beginning of 2016 I started what could have been one of the most depressing parts of my life, but I was already immersed in a community at Brookwood Church that kept me afloat. There I eventually (and very unexpectedly) found a friend in someone I would grow to love more than anyone I've ever loved before. I made friends that helped me live life on one foot for three months and depended on God more and more as I realized I needed a full time job. I left the job I loved, although I am thankful to still be involved serving with them every week. I learned the value of saving money and hard work as I worked some jobs I loved (like Brookwood) and others I didn't (like food service and insurance). I finally landed in a position at a law firm where I feel intellectually challenged, and I'm finally at a place where I can save money for the future rather than living paycheck to paycheck. I've found a joy in exploring the world I live in through weekend adventures exploring the wonderful city I live in, and it's freed my spirit up to worship and serve God in a more authentic way.
Sounds pretty different, huh? But both of those descriptions are very true. I often choose to display the second version in public, though I may tend to dwell on the first description in private. Just remember, my friends: there is a positive and negative side of each person's life, and you can't compare the worst of your days with the best (and edited) version of someone else's.
I have a list of resolutions for 2017. It's long, and categorized by health and fitness, spiritual, emotional...you get the point (it wouldn't be me if it wasn't a categorized list).
But my biggest resolution is this: to cling to my identity as a beautiful and beloved daughter of God, not as a lesser in a comparison to what I see on social media. I think the rest will follow suit.
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